ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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