So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
