My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.