Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.