I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
