I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
