3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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