I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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