and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
