yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
