are you still at the devil's house?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
