dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
