We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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