You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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