the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
