8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Terrible idea I love it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
