He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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