I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
