There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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