THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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