Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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