how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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