I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
