i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
