Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
