He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize