There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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