and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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