Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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