i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
