her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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