The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
