but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
