My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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