Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
