I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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