I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
