im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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