Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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