mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
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my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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