Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she looked like the before picture.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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