Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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