i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
