i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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