dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
