you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
