I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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