I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Boobs are out for the taking
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
