My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
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ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
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You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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