That's when you crack a 10am beer
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
