I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
