Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
