OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
