I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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