went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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