i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
