Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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