The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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