I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
