Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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