they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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