Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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