i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
