I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
