4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
