i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
