i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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