I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
