Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
