I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
