I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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