I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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