Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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