I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
