he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
