Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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