We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.