Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.