for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
