Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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