The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
