allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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