I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
