I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
