Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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